Fear
by tivadoubled
Summary: Is it a dream, or reality?     one-shot - the first four lines are the lyrics that inspired the story


_This is as quiet as it gets_  
><em>Hush down now <em>  
><em>Go to sleep <em>  
><em>We were once perfect me and you <em>  
><em>We'll never leave this room<em>

For the first time in a long time she let herself cry. She cried, as she sat on the living room floor, her back to the couch… This is where it ends… He was on his way to her apartment. She did not want to tell him on the phone, she wanted him to know personally.  
>"The door is unlocked," she had told him over the phone, "so just come in… when you get here."<p>

...

Over an hour ago he had received a phone call… not knowing whom it was he had let the phone ring. But the same number had called again… and again. When he picked it up, he had not expected Ziva on the other end. She sounded distant, lost in thought.

"Can you come by after work…Tony?"

"Yea Zee-vah. I'll be there after work. You know we have had a crazy case, just like in the movie-" He was saying in his normal playful way, pretending that she did not sound so distant.

"Tony," Ziva had cut in sharply, "I am serious… please hurry."

His tone changed as he saw there was something seriously wrong; he hadn't heard her this way since, well since Somalia.  
>"I will be there as soon as possible Ziva." There was a long silence and he could hear only the rain outside. "Is everything alright?"<p>

...

He remembered the way she had spoken to him as he drove in what had to be the most horrible storm of the season. He was worried. What would she say? What had happened to her? Ziva had called in sick this morning…. But she always came in, even when she was sick… He had brushed it off this morning, but after that phone call, he could no longer deny it… They had never called each other at work when they had been out… "Why?" he said as he got out of his car and ran to the building's entrance.

...

Ziva could not move. Could not speak. Could not think. She just stared at the phone that lay on top of the coffee table, holding her gun. She no longer had any tears left, yet she cried.

"Ziva?" came the cautious voice from behind her, but it didn't register.

"Ziva…" the voice said again, and she managed to look up at the figure standing in front of her, soaking wet.

_Tony_ she said, but no words came out, it was only a though.

...

Tony knocked on the door once before entering. He was soaked from the pouring rain. He took off his coat and placed it on a small coat rack Ziva had hanging by the door. Most of the lights were out in Ziva's apartment, except for the lamp next to the couch. She was sitting there, quietly, unmoving, staring blankly. He moved closer, calling out her name softly, cautiously, not wanting to startle her, especially because she had her gun on her. She did not move. He called out again, a little bit louder, and she looked up. Her face was wet. Blotches of red had formed around her eyes and the streaks from her tears were clearly visible on her face.

"Ziva, what's wrong?" he said as he moved in towards her. He sat down, holding her close to him. Feeling her warmth, her soft sobs as she buried her face into his chest.

...

"We cannot do this any more Tony…us… it cannot… we cannot…" Ziva said as she moved away from him, once again staring into space.

"What are you talking about Ziva? Why? Did something happen? We told Gibbs, and he was mad, but he let it slide… said no funny business on the job… did he—?" Tony was very confused.

"No… "

"Then what?" asked Tony. The moment he said it he realized it was not what, but who. He was getting nauseous. He felt hurt, pain, and… pain. Why did he feel pain? She had not even told him a thing… no this wasn't emotional pain. And he immediately knew the difference.

...

"Then what?" she heard him ask, but she was unable to answer. She knew that she had to leave him behind, again. She didn't want to, but she had to… she had to… she had to.

...

She woke up with a start as Abby was rushing up the stairs towards the squad room yelling her name at the top of her lungs. It had all been a dream. All of it or just parts of it? She needed to talk herself through it, remember the events of the previous day. But Abby's voice was not letting her. There was barely anyone at NCIS tonight being as it was 3 am. The janitors were surely sweeping up somewhere in the building. The only other people in that floor were Abby (well, now), and Ziva. They had decided to work late; no that was Abby's case, who had major work to do. Ziva on the other hand, preferred not going home that night.

"ZIVAZIVAZIVAZIVAZIVAZIVA!" It came closer and closer.

"Yes Abby?" she asked as politely as she could when Abby got to her desk.

"ZIVAZIVAZIVAZIVA!"

"Abby stop yelling, I am right here" She said, making Abby slow down. "Now. What is it?"

"Well Ziva, I was having a dream about you just now. Well, not just now, cuz I ran all the way here after the dream… not the point… I don't know why being as I rarely have dreams of you anymore. Well, no that's not true, cuz I always have dreams of you, and Tony, and McGee, and Gibbs, even Ducky… again not the point."  
>She saw Ziva's look of confusion.<br>"ZIVA, you and Tony, you guys were… um… you guys were together, like a couple. And married and Gibbs knew and Timmy and I knew, and Ducky knew, but no one else, not even Vance. And you guys didn't wear your rings to work cuz you knew that they would know something was up. And you two were happy, like, genuinely happy. And, and, and… then it changed. You weren't married, only dating. You were sad, like super sad. And not just your typical sad, like, crying yourself a pretty big river sad, Ziva. And you called Tony and asked him to come over to your place. And he got there, and it was raining, just like tonight. And when he got there, you barely answered, and it scared me…. Me being the third person floating up in the air watching all of this… Kind of like an outer body experience you know… well of course you do, it always happens in dreams- again not the point. And then he came to you and sat next to you, and he asked you.. and, and, and you shot him Ziva… you shot Tony… and then I woke up."

By the time she finished, Abby had tears in her eyes. And Ziva did not know how to respond to such a thing. She did not know how to respond to her own nightmares. "Ziva," Abby said as the tears began to fall, "Tell me you would never do that to Tony…"

Ziva knew what she was feeling. She had many nightmares similar to that, minus the married/dating part, that was completely Abby. She often mixed past event with recent ones and she was confused after waking up. Shooting Tony? She only thought of that once, when she had confronted him about Rivkin's death, but she had stopped those thoughts knowing she would not be able to live with herself.

"Abby, I would never. He is my partner, and… my… friend." She hesitated as she said those last words. She did not want to admit that he was her best friend, and more than that.


End file.
